Gone in 60 seconds

Man vs V70

On the train back from Manchester I had a sudden thought. "Where are my car keys?"
A search of all the pockets - nowt.
A search of all the rucksack pockets - zero.
Coat out of the rucksack - Nothing.
A complete rummage through all and everything in the rucksack - Big Fat Zero.
Rang MDL - "Are my keys on the desk?" - No
Rang Baz - "Have I dropped my keys in your car?" - No
Bugger!




I got off the Tram and went to the car. Some scroat had left a note because they had driven into my car because they were too thick to drive.  I'm surprised a brainless moron like this can even write!





The Car is definitely locked, with my house keys, clothes and (probably far too much to leave in the car) cash locked inside.

I got the bus back to Rammy.  What to do ?  Have a pint!

Chippy Paul came in and I told him about the car. He rang his mate who does recovery work, who tells him you can get in if you remove the drip seal from one of the doors.
Paul then drove me back to the car in his chippy van full of chippy tools, and we set about breaking into a car in broad daylight in the middle of town.

The seal came off ok, then fishing about down the gap with a bit of wire did nothing.
A car drove past, stopped, window down "I've got a coat hanger in the car if that helps".
Fished about with the coat hanger - nothing.
A bloke came over from his van with a long metal rod, "Will this help?"
Fished about with the long metal rod - nothing.
An electrician offered a long pole with a hook on the end...
Someone else came up with a long jubilee clip...
A webbing strap...

A long screwdriver forced a gap at the top of the door, so we could try to pull the little knob up with the webbing strap...
The jubilee clip...
the jubilee clip and the metal rod...
the webbing strap and the metal rod...
Finally we pushed a trim from some fitted kitchen thingy in and managed to pull the little button up.

Success!!!

Unfortunately not, the door still didn't open.

45 Minutes later, the little buttons were pulled up on three of the doors, but none would open.
Desperation : we forced a screwdriver through the tailgate lock and turned it - Nothing.
Hammered a huge screwdriver through the tailgate lock and turned it - nothing.

For nearly two hours we tried to break in and not one person said "Are you stealing that car?", but five people offered advise on how to break in!

Gave up, defeated. Gone in 60 seconds, more like around the Volvo in 80 days!

I couldn't go to the house to pay the plasterer:
1. No car
2. House keys are in the car
3. Money to pay him is in the car
I am sure he has heard these before.

Friday morning and I rang the snobs at Blackburn Volvo, who were far too superior to bother even to ring me a mere Volvo customer back.

I rang an auto-locksmith
"I've lost my car key"
"What car is it?"
"Volvo V70"
"Smash a window"

I repeated the above three times, then on the fourth locksmith, "I'll be there this afternoon"
The Fridge and the Freezer arrived for the boat, so I decided that so the day was not a complete loss, I would take them, and a mattress over to the boat. I loaded them into the van, picked up a mattress from IKEA and headed over to the boat.  Half way there I realised (yes, you guessed it) the boat keys are in the car.
Bollocks!

I drove back to Bury and waited for the locksmith, who duly arrived, and within 30 seconds was inside the car!
A few minutes later, and £140 lighter, I had a new key.

The car locks and unlocks, even the tailgate, so all of our exertions had not even damaged a lock!  Note to self: Don't start a career as a car thief.
Now that I had the boat keys out of the car, K rang and said he needed the van back, so I unloaded the matress, fridge and freezer back into the store and went for a beer.

Loidis

Or, how to spend an afternoon enjoying the hotspots of Leeds.  First call was Veritas, with excellent beer, I went for Joshua Jayne from Ilkley brewery. Excellent, and a superb meat and cheese platter to go with it!

 

Across the road is the Victoria, unchanged for years and a really nice untouched interior.  The beer was not so good though.

Back down the road further, there is the new-ish Escobar.  It doesn't look like a bar from the outside, and terrible beer inside.  One to miss in future.

The Ship is one of three pubs hidden away down little alleyways in the shopping precinct.  Superb beer and a great atmosphere.

Just up from the dubious Leeds brewery tap, there is a shop called Friends of Ham.  This looks like a meat shop at first, then you notice the hand pumps on the bar.  downstairs there is a huge room with settees, skittles and a huge table down the middle. Great beer and a second meal of smoked meats and cheeses.

Last call was The Hop underneath the railway, before getting the train home.

Half an hour sitting by the canal, watching the world go by.





I noticed this sign which I found amusing!

Why don't they talk proper ?

Berkeley Castle wasn't flooded this year either, so off we went with a tent, a load of beer, mead and Cider.  It was a nightmare trip down, queueing for an hour and a half on the M5, so we were late setting the beer tent up.

Better late than never though, and soon there was plenty of quaffing going on.

The weather was great for the public to watch the battle both days, but torrential rain at six both evenings scattered the crowds.  The food traders stopped providing food at six as well, so everybody buggered off into the town, leaving the beer tent dead until late both evenings.  TBH at four quid for a sausage butty, I think people would have gone to the town to eat anyway.

Ruddians & Oak

I went to Tonbridge again to judge beers of the south. I arrived at the Rose and Crown to find Barry finishing his dinner, and no-one else.  Thoughts of Deja Vu ?
There were no floods though, so a couple of pints in the Man of Kent before their quiz started, followed by the couple of typically terrible pints in the Wetherspoons rounded off the night.
Judging the following day was extremely difficult.  We had six milds to judge in the second round, and there was absoluteley nothing between them.  It is great to see a selection of milds of such a high quality, especially in the uncivilised south.

Down to Hatfield House on the Sunday for Folk by the Oak.  The beer tent was by Tring again, serving good, but flat and warm beer.  One day people will realise that chucking a bit of sack over a cask does nothing to cool it.

The line-up was fantastic. We started with Kat Gilmore and Jamie Roberts, who I have not seen for some time.  They had support this time with a double bass, percussion and keyboards, but I don't think they really need it, they have such a great sound by themselves.

Carthy, Hardy, Farrel and Young, although sounding like a firm of solicitors, were on top form, as was Fay Hield.

Lau were as insane as usual, having just travelled down from Scotland, and then, just when you thought things couldn't get any better, Kate Rusby took music to a whole new level.
The Oysterband finished off what is a fantastic one day festival, well worth the £30 ticket money.

Thick as two of them

Sunday night an I went down to London.

Although it was nice and sunny, it looked like it was about to rain when I left Rammy, so I took my coat.
This happens every time.  The sun came out, it was roasting hot, and I was carrying my coat about everywhere!

A couple of nice pints in the Queens Arms, and then it was round to the RAH to see Ian Anderson & bits of Jethro Tull performing Thick as a Brick.

Great stuff, but up at the top level of the RAH, the accoustics were not so good, and you could hardly hear the lyrics.  Either that or Ian's voice has gone.

Thoroughly Good

It was time again for the Medieval Fayre at Tatton Park. Great weather this year once again made a big difference.

The bar staff start off the weekend quite normal...

  ..but by the end of the weekend, they can get quite scary











Loads of beer sold, and enough profit to order american oak window liners.  these will arrive in 6-8 weeks, so that gives me a challenge to be ready for them when they arrive!

We went to see George Thoroughgood and the Delaware Destroyers at the Apollo in Manchester.  40 Years he has been touring and what a show!

This is music you just can't sit still to.  Still, £3.90 for 3/4 pint of Tetley Smooth poured out of a can tends to dampen the spirits somewhat.