Gone in 60 seconds

Man vs V70

On the train back from Manchester I had a sudden thought. "Where are my car keys?"
A search of all the pockets - nowt.
A search of all the rucksack pockets - zero.
Coat out of the rucksack - Nothing.
A complete rummage through all and everything in the rucksack - Big Fat Zero.
Rang MDL - "Are my keys on the desk?" - No
Rang Baz - "Have I dropped my keys in your car?" - No
Bugger!




I got off the Tram and went to the car. Some scroat had left a note because they had driven into my car because they were too thick to drive.  I'm surprised a brainless moron like this can even write!





The Car is definitely locked, with my house keys, clothes and (probably far too much to leave in the car) cash locked inside.

I got the bus back to Rammy.  What to do ?  Have a pint!

Chippy Paul came in and I told him about the car. He rang his mate who does recovery work, who tells him you can get in if you remove the drip seal from one of the doors.
Paul then drove me back to the car in his chippy van full of chippy tools, and we set about breaking into a car in broad daylight in the middle of town.

The seal came off ok, then fishing about down the gap with a bit of wire did nothing.
A car drove past, stopped, window down "I've got a coat hanger in the car if that helps".
Fished about with the coat hanger - nothing.
A bloke came over from his van with a long metal rod, "Will this help?"
Fished about with the long metal rod - nothing.
An electrician offered a long pole with a hook on the end...
Someone else came up with a long jubilee clip...
A webbing strap...

A long screwdriver forced a gap at the top of the door, so we could try to pull the little knob up with the webbing strap...
The jubilee clip...
the jubilee clip and the metal rod...
the webbing strap and the metal rod...
Finally we pushed a trim from some fitted kitchen thingy in and managed to pull the little button up.

Success!!!

Unfortunately not, the door still didn't open.

45 Minutes later, the little buttons were pulled up on three of the doors, but none would open.
Desperation : we forced a screwdriver through the tailgate lock and turned it - Nothing.
Hammered a huge screwdriver through the tailgate lock and turned it - nothing.

For nearly two hours we tried to break in and not one person said "Are you stealing that car?", but five people offered advise on how to break in!

Gave up, defeated. Gone in 60 seconds, more like around the Volvo in 80 days!

I couldn't go to the house to pay the plasterer:
1. No car
2. House keys are in the car
3. Money to pay him is in the car
I am sure he has heard these before.

Friday morning and I rang the snobs at Blackburn Volvo, who were far too superior to bother even to ring me a mere Volvo customer back.

I rang an auto-locksmith
"I've lost my car key"
"What car is it?"
"Volvo V70"
"Smash a window"

I repeated the above three times, then on the fourth locksmith, "I'll be there this afternoon"
The Fridge and the Freezer arrived for the boat, so I decided that so the day was not a complete loss, I would take them, and a mattress over to the boat. I loaded them into the van, picked up a mattress from IKEA and headed over to the boat.  Half way there I realised (yes, you guessed it) the boat keys are in the car.
Bollocks!

I drove back to Bury and waited for the locksmith, who duly arrived, and within 30 seconds was inside the car!
A few minutes later, and £140 lighter, I had a new key.

The car locks and unlocks, even the tailgate, so all of our exertions had not even damaged a lock!  Note to self: Don't start a career as a car thief.
Now that I had the boat keys out of the car, K rang and said he needed the van back, so I unloaded the matress, fridge and freezer back into the store and went for a beer.